I feel like nothing is going right. What is happening with the four of us? It's like last semester was great and now we're falling apart and we've only been back a week.
"Stay safe inside insanity"....is that where some of us are? I think fear is what makes us act this way. We're comfortable in our sin and our confusion and in our thoughts...we don't really like the idea of changing that and actually believing and internalizing something different because it shakes us out of our complacency and our routine. We like what we know rather than what we do not know. To change is hard and scary. To admit we might be wrong and search with an open mind for the truth about life and ourselves even harder and more frightening. Oftentimes we find that we don't like what we discover. It's so much easier to stay where we are and not move forward and grow. Growth is hard. Growing pains got their name for a good reason. It does hurt. But it helps so much more than it hurts, and the pain is temporary. We need to be willing to hurt and put ourselves out there and really search for what is real. If we're not willing to go through the pain of change and growth and discovery, it's no different than wanting to stay an emotional, mental, and spiritual child for our entire lives. We'd rather just stay in the way we think of things than find out if it's the correct way. Or we might know that it is NOT the correct way, but no one has been able to convince us otherwise so far, so we don't think that it'll ever change. Or we know it's not right, but we don't want to take the time and energy to find out what IS right. So we stay where we are. It's probably a sin of negligence, so why do we do it? Are we really too babyish to try? Does the possible pain and shaking of everything that we thought we knew scare us from searching? What happened to wanting truth above everything?
Eric, I love you and wish I could help you. Raul, same goes for you (well, love in a slightly different way) and I'd like to talk sometime soon. Cecelia, I love you too and we need more girl time.
