What's happened to you? You used to be great! You were the reason I got out of bed a six o'clock in the morning as a child. Let me say that again. I willingly got up at SIX O'CLOCK on Saturday mornings of my own free will, so that you could entertain me for a few extra hours.
And not just me! Because of you, all my siblings used to wake up at precisely six o'clock in the morning, every Saturday morning without fail. And we didn't have an alarm clock either. Regardless of how much trouble we gave my mom about getting up early on school days, we were always wide awake at SIX O'CLOCK on Saturday mornings.
We would jump out of bed and then sneak into the living room. Then came the difficult task of closing our parents door which they left open at night so that they could hear if a burglar came in... or maybe it was just to make sure we didn't sneak into the kitchen at night for a late night snack.
Either way, their door was open and it NEEDED to be closed else they wake up to the sound of the TV and make us go back to bed for a few more hours.
And we couldn't just go up to the door and close it because parents notice you if you're walking. They have special child sensors which sense feet on the floor and inform them that children are out of bed too early. No, the only way to get the the door was to crawl on our hands and needs, really slowly because the slightest noise might wake them up. It never crossed our minds that if our parents really slept that lightly they'd never get any sleep because my dad snores really loud.
So we snuck (darn you spell check, that is a word! It's the past tense of sneak! I've been using it my whole life I don't care what you say!) into the living room crawling slowly in a straight line.
Then my brother would creep really close to the door, all stealthy like, and slip his hand underneath the door, ever so carefully. He'd pull it shut and we knew we were safe when we heard the latch click loudly into place and my dad's belts clack against the back of the door where he hung them. then we'd settle on the couch and turn the TV on with the volume carefully set so that we could hear it, confident that the magical power of the door would keep the sound from filtering into my parents bedroom and waking them up.
We did all this, dear Saturday Morning Cartoons, for your sake and yours alone. We spent hours perfecting our stealth skills during the week so that when Saturday morning came we could enjoy your early hours of entertainment.
Oh the sweet joys of Saturday Morning Cartoons. So many hours spent with good animation a intriguing plot lines, lovable heroes and villains you could really hate. So many options! So many choices, providing ample opportunity for my brother and I to fight over the remote. Such wonderful memories!
Those were truly happy times, Saturday Morning Cartoons. Occasionally, I wish to revisit those times. So I will get up early, about eight o'clock, and sit in front of the TV and turn on one of the channels which once provided me with so much joy, only to find...
Wait... What!
Why is his head a triangle?!
What's with the platypus?!
Why does the surfboard have teeth?!!!!!!
The plot is... triangle boy and green-haired boy make a crazy invention which seems to cause problems for sister which are in fact caused by the platypus fighting the villain. Sister tries to show mom what the boys are doing only to have all evidence disappear through some really bizarre coincidence, right before mom gets there.
Okay... well that was not at all interesting...
And really... what's with the green-haired dudes pants?
Moving on...
Whoa... whoa... WHAT?!
We have... fish? I guess they are fish... It's kind of like someone's bizarre attempt at Sponge Bob only really badly done.
Plot?... um... they're fish in a fish tank at a pet shop and... they jump between tanks?... and... they play in the toilet?... and... I might be losing brain cells.....................
NEXT!
... um... um... What are they?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Dude! quit saying Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.... etc.
Yes! let him eat the poisoned purple nurples! Then he can die and stop killing my brain.
Why are they called purple nurples?!?!?! Why would anyone want to eat something called a purple nurple?!?!?1?!
MUST...
STOP....
STUPIDITY.................
LOSING....
BRAIN CELLS........
...
...
Dear Saturday Morning Cartoons,
I plan on having kids one day and I want them to be able to get plenty of practice in the art of stealth on Saturday mornings. I will not be able to allow this if you insist on destroying brain cells. My kids need their brain cells and I need mine too!
Please!
If you can't come up with any decent new ideas, at least go back to airing the old shows that everyone loves so that I can rest assured that my future children will be able to watch quality animation and make good grades in school.
Thank you,
Cecilia
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